Dear Father,
Years ago, when I lost my baby, as I look back, I realize I was very angry with’
You’. It brings me a kind of relief because I also realize that even in the most
painful time of my life I did not forget ‘You’, I never really lost ‘You’ Oh, I was mad
alright but I still believed in something to be mad at. I always believed I knew ‘You’
in a very special way. My mind was always aware that ‘You’ created me. I knew
my parents were my earth parents and I loved them, but I knew that ‘You’ are
above all and the creator of all. I spoke to ’You’ every day. At that time, I was so
mad I refused to talk to ’You’, blaming ‘You’ for my pain. For years like an
innocent child I carried ‘You’ around in my heart, wrote ‘You” letters, shared my
pain, but that time I cut off all communication except for the blame.
Life became very difficult I had no one to turn to for comfort. This lasted for two
years. Until, I became pregnant to another baby. I knew I needed Your blessings
for my child.
The point I was trying to make was that time in my life was hard and harder still
was my separation from you. I always made it a point to spend time every day in
quiet time with you, my maker to give thanks every day. In fact, it was probably
the best time of my day... Not to is a great loss in my life. The best part for me is
I never find any reasons to get mad at You’ anymore. I reverted, to the innocence
of my youth and fully accept’ Your’ love for me, .I feel like a child that is totally
secured by a loving parent. I accept all the good that comes pouring into my life,
along with the bad and sad of life. Only in this innocence of mind, that of a
secured child, peace emerges to stop the longing.
All of us are created by Your love. Love being the very essence of our being.
With all our differences, considering our uniqueness of being, within every one of
us is a sameness of quality. Longing our greatest call, is you calling us to our
self. . This longing from within can only cease when you connect yourself to the
magic of your being. Recognition on how to live your good without the
continuous judgment, judging yourself as anything less than perfect, because
you are a product of the divine. Shows respect to your maker.
I love you Father, Rosemarie
HEARTACHE
Mother aching from a broken heart,
Love darkened by loss of a precious part.
You do not have to lose a child to realize how precious they are,
You have tendered to their every need. You created that
special star.
You lack the strength or courage to get you through another
day of sorrow.
Pain so deep from this dark-side of love, kills all hope for
tomorrow.
Years ago, I lost my son.
Today I realize my journey had begun.
Raving mad I called out without shame,
You are the one You are to blame.
Love vacated, where once it filled my heart with joy,
The blame and the bitterness closed all else out, but thoughts
of ploy.
The fact that I blamed ‘Him’, for taking my child,
Was wracked, in so much pain, my mind went wild.
No one should have so much power.
If pain and havoc is all ‘He’ can shower.
Building up inside of me was realizations of denial.
‘He’ could not exist! We are not on trial,
Better be good, or else, watch my fury!
I am the master I created the jury.
It was in the denying of ‘His’ existence,
My mind opened up to ‘His’ persistence.
What is there to deny if ‘He’ does not exist?
Mother aching from a broken heart,
Love darkened by loss of a precious part.
You do not have to lose a child to realize how precious they are,
You have tendered to their every need. You created that
special star.
You lack the strength or courage to get you through another
day of sorrow.
Pain so deep from this dark-side of love, kills all hope for
tomorrow.
Years ago, I lost my son.
Today I realize my journey had begun.
Raving mad I called out without shame,
You are the one You are to blame.
Love vacated, where once it filled my heart with joy,
The blame and the bitterness closed all else out, but thoughts
of ploy.
The fact that I blamed ‘Him’, for taking my child,
Was wracked, in so much pain, my mind went wild.
No one should have so much power.
If pain and havoc is all ‘He’ can shower.
Building up inside of me was realizations of denial.
‘He’ could not exist! We are not on trial,
Better be good, or else, watch my fury!
I am the master I created the jury.
It was in the denying of ‘His’ existence,
My mind opened up to ‘His’ persistence.
What is there to deny if ‘He’ does not exist?
I have been reminiscing in my thoughts of years and
people past.
Although, I know in my heart, they are gone; I believe
their spirit last,
Forever in your care, on another magic ride,
And although< I am not that anxious to see that other
side,
I also believe I am forever in your care.
Curiosity they say, is what killed the cat, I wonder if that
is fair?
Considering curiosity as a kind of motivator,
Enabling the mind to connect with his creator,
Would be a better way of defining,
I am sure some time, in I hope, the not too soon future,
You and I will be dining.
I wonder what it will be like, that time, after now.
Is there really more of a heaven then here, or do we still
have to plow?
Would I get the chance to glimpse again on the faces of
the ones I have loved?
See your face, the face of my beloved,
Hold, my baby, in my arms once more, touch his tiny
hand,
I imagine I can, that is why mind is so grand.
But, I do not have to tell you, Dear Father of all.
One thing I know for sure, it’s your call.
I love you Rosemarie
people past.
Although, I know in my heart, they are gone; I believe
their spirit last,
Forever in your care, on another magic ride,
And although< I am not that anxious to see that other
side,
I also believe I am forever in your care.
Curiosity they say, is what killed the cat, I wonder if that
is fair?
Considering curiosity as a kind of motivator,
Enabling the mind to connect with his creator,
Would be a better way of defining,
I am sure some time, in I hope, the not too soon future,
You and I will be dining.
I wonder what it will be like, that time, after now.
Is there really more of a heaven then here, or do we still
have to plow?
Would I get the chance to glimpse again on the faces of
the ones I have loved?
See your face, the face of my beloved,
Hold, my baby, in my arms once more, touch his tiny
hand,
I imagine I can, that is why mind is so grand.
But, I do not have to tell you, Dear Father of all.
One thing I know for sure, it’s your call.
I love you Rosemarie
| MA Ma, my eyes are burning from my tears, Ma, my heart is pounding from my fears. Ma, I cannot control my inner voice, That is telling me I had a choice. Ma, the biggest agony of it all is, I should have, I could have, I would have. I should have called you more, I would have if I had known, and I could have. Ma, the sadness in my heart would not be as bad, The part I cannot handle is I might have made you sad. Ma, this feeling deep inside, is tearing me apart, To think about it now, is a little late to start. Yet, every time I do, the memory, that comes through is, I should have, I would have, I could have. I should have told you I love you more! I would have hugged you more! I could have loved you more! Ma, the saddest part of all, is I will never get another chance, The hardest part to recall is anger in your glance. The loneliest, feeling, is not seeing your smile. Regretfully I recall I knew it all the while. I should have! I would have! I could have! Oh! Ma, |
| DAD Hi Dad, my thoughts have been on you lately and they bring me comfort and joy. One in particular was my eight birthday when you bought me that little Abner toy! I remember that Mom said it was way too much money. But you said I can not break the promise I made to my honey. So off to the toy store you took me that day, to buy that piano with the automatic play. I was so thrilled by your special attention, I felt like a princess all wrapped up in your affection. You always had a way to make me feel grand. Especially when I was stubborn or did not understand. I see you every time I look in the mirror. I inherited your puffy eyes along with your great fervor. For trying every remedy known by man to minimize. I will always remember you as loving, gentle and wise. |
Dear Father
When my time comes to die I will not fear,
Secured, my heart knows, I will be closer to you “Dear”
If ‘You’ will me, another day,
Closer to ‘You’ I intend to stay,
With ‘You’ guiding my every step along the way.
My Beloved, what thanks I give for ‘Your’ blessings galore.
How is it I keep asking for more?
This life I live is filled to the brim,
With love for everything a part of Him;
With everyday, I begin a new start,
More knowledge of ’You’ inspires my heart.
Love is the fuel we all must breathe.
Love is the answer to all we need,
What fools we are when we choose not to let go!
Life becomes an easy game, when ’You’ become the star of life’s show.
The more you think you know the less you do,
Until the meaning of love is, clear to you.
Imagine, fantasize, make use of your free- will,
The reality of love is yours to till,
The key to open up every door in your mind,
Mind must always yield to love for it to know.
Wisdom needs the fuel of love to help it grow.
When my time comes to die I will not fear,
Secured, my heart knows, I will be closer to you “Dear”
If ‘You’ will me, another day,
Closer to ‘You’ I intend to stay,
With ‘You’ guiding my every step along the way.
My Beloved, what thanks I give for ‘Your’ blessings galore.
How is it I keep asking for more?
This life I live is filled to the brim,
With love for everything a part of Him;
With everyday, I begin a new start,
More knowledge of ’You’ inspires my heart.
Love is the fuel we all must breathe.
Love is the answer to all we need,
What fools we are when we choose not to let go!
Life becomes an easy game, when ’You’ become the star of life’s show.
The more you think you know the less you do,
Until the meaning of love is, clear to you.
Imagine, fantasize, make use of your free- will,
The reality of love is yours to till,
The key to open up every door in your mind,
Mind must always yield to love for it to know.
Wisdom needs the fuel of love to help it grow.
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